Then I started to think. If anything, what I am insecure
about is a man’s ability to see all that I am and all that I have to offer. Most
men that I meet are mostly intrigued by my looks. “Your beautiful” “your sexy”
okay great thanks for that compliment, I guess. Its not that I’m full of
myself, I’m just a believer that a persons beauty lies beneath the surface. I
would the same bold gentleman why he liked me? What about ME made him attracted
to me? His response: “well your beautiful, and your intelligent” that was it.
And then he felt the need to mention again that I was beautiful. Now that
sounds great…until you hear my response as to why I like HIM: “your funny, your
outgoing, you like to have a good time. You like to learn new things and are
always looking for a challenge. We think alike; we don’t like to be confined to
doing one thing and being defined by it. You like to travel. You like to cook
and I like to eat. We make a great team together. Your weird like me.”
I see beyond the surface. Yea he’s okay looking (even though
he thinks he looks amazing). But I’m not interested that much in your physical
appearance. Yes take care of yourself, but what’s most important to me is how
well you and I get along. At this point
in my life, a great connection isn’t based how hot you are (that’s extremely
high school), but on how compatible you are with me. Oh yea, I forgot, he likes
to read, and we can have intelligent conversation!!! That is such a turn on for
me. But back to the subject, he never said or did anything like that that would
make me feel confident that he saw the REAL ME. Not my ass. Not my “cute” face.
(And for the record, no I do not have a facebook photo with my ass out.
Definitely agree with those who say the message is look at my ass not at me.) That’s
the most important thing. I’ve been thrown the “I’m not ready for a commitment”
card many times and so I’m very weary of why you want my attention. Am I a
fling, or someone you can see yourself in a serious committed relationship.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, fella’s you gotta let a
woman know that you see her. The real her. When you do that, you create
confidence not in her, but in your relationship and your bond together.
Have you thought about why most guys would say "I'm not ready for a commitment?" Maybe its more than just your beauty and sexiness. "Most men that I meet are mostly intrigued by my looks. “Your beautiful” “your sexy”.... Yes, men are biologically predisposed to focus on visual characteristics, but we need more than that to want to commit. We want a challenge, we want a chase, we want a damn she's different and cool, we want that extraordinary.
ReplyDeleteBuilding a relationship is a process, not a quickie. Most girls expect after a few dates and a few hang outs to want a guy to jump into a relationship. First, focus on being the better you, so you can give the guy the "BEST" version of you which you would define as the "REAL ME.
"I AM what every man wants to marry" how so?
"I got it going on." how so?
"what I am insecure about is a man’s ability to see all that I am and all that I have to offer"-->maybe your not getting your point across or expecting them to blinding know what you are. If I want to know something I ask. If I want something to be known, I tell it.
Good blog :)
WARNING: This is Long!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou bring up some valuable points. I have thought about why they aren't ready for commitment, I've actually asked some of the guys I've dated and their response was that I offered all that you mentioned (the cool and different, the extraordinary), but it "scared them". Most of these conversations happened post relationship, so maybe there some white lies being said here.
As for the chase, are you saying that guys like games? Because having a chase means playing cat and mouse; the whole "I'm gonna pretend I don't like you" even though I do thing.
And as for the "BEST" version of me... the transformation of a person is a life-long process, don't you think? We are always growing and learning about ourselves and finding room for improvement as we get to different stages of our lives. Yes, there is a point where you can say that you have grown to a point where your ready for commitment, that you have matured and are ready to have someone be apart of your life. And, yes, everyone should take the time to learn about themselves, who they are and where they need work. I know I've done some soul searching in my spare time.
Can I say I am my best right now? No. And I don't think I can ever say I am because I am always working on a different part of me. Looking back at who I was a few years ago, I can say I have grown as a person and I have become better (many people who know me well can agree). But I know that there are still many things I have to learn, one of which is communicating my expectations as you mentioned. But some of these areas of improvement will take years to improve. Change isn’t overnight. Which brings me to my next point…. Time frames
Yes I completely agree that relationships take time. I’m on board with that; they shouldn’t be rushed. But also, a male’s perspective of time and a woman’s perspective of time are completely different. I’ve had this conversation with MANY men. Women have biological time clocks that most men do not understand. If we want to have children we have to have them by a certain time for many reasons (health for ourselves and our children, careers, future lifestyles). A man can have a child whenever he pleases; your supply of fertile substances is life-long. A man can have a child and still continue along his career path because he doesn’t sacrifice as much as a mother does. We as women have to stay home for a while for our children. We give up our careers for a period to make sure that our children are nurtured and cared for until they reach a certain age, and in some cases we still need to be available to some extent as they grow. If you look at the article above it explains it a little bit better. If we have children later, sometimes we never get to have the families we want, or if we wait to long, once our children are grown we lack the energy to do the things we’ve always wanted.
I see myself as a professional, an entrepreneur, a consultant, and much more. My window of opportunity for having children, according to my 10-year plan, is very slim. With that said, I hope you see how having children can be more intricate and complicated for a women than for men.
So taking your time is great… but taking your sweet time is unreasonable for many of us.
Ok… just realized I may have rambled a bit too much, but thanks for commenting. You definitely gave me a few things to think about ☺
I think you're fine. To the first commenter, MOST people see looks first, that's really not something specific to Men. Men are definitely not monolothic, but i will speak on behalf of "humans." Men don't need more than that to be able to commit, individuals have different reasons to want to commit to anything. If someone is "just not that into you," then that is what it is. You can't really make excuses for them. It doesn't take away from you being amazing, wonderful, and worthy of a committed relationship. It just implies that you don't do it for that particular person.
ReplyDeleteI love that you are reflecting Danica ;-) One thing I've learned is that you should believe people when they tell you who they are the first time. In the men that you have met who are not seemingly as "intrigued" with you as you are with their mental, they're not worth your precious time. It's not necessarily a slight against you, it's where they are at. It sucks when we see the full beauty in someone, and it's not reciprocated...but to save the heartache and disappointment, we (man or woman) have to acknowledge what the situation is, and treat it accordingly. Not advice, just commentary ;-) I love where this is going, I willbe checking back for more posts! Te amo manita!
Thanks Rhythm Junkie, you definitely bring a real "this is what it is" perspective. I have a lot of male friends who are married or in committed relationships and they all tell me the same thing. There was never a question of being ready or not. When they met their significant others, there was no question of where they wanted to be. They knew they wanted their women.
DeleteI mean like you said, if it isn't there, learn from it and move on, someone else will appreciate me totally and fully without question or doubt.
Keep coming back!! hopefully there are more commentaries :) Love you too!!!!!
If he doesn't appreciate you for everything that makes you, you then its truly his loss. WHS Admirer
ReplyDelete